365 Days.

One year ago my boyfriend and best friend entered the Provo MTC. I had driven up to Provo the day before and surprised him by spending the evening with him and his family, not touching...and always having a companion with us...hahah it was hard, but just the beginning. We said goodbye for two years on a rainy, freezing cold Wednesday morning (I know right, the rain was a perfect little touch).The drive home was ridic... tears, theee whole way. When I got home, mom said I had one day to pout and cry and mope. I couldn't talk about him all day, if anybody brought him up...immediate tears. I cried all day. Yeah I know, I am a giant infant. That night I said my prayers, read my scriptures, doused brunswick with his cologne and went to bed early. I laid in bed, hugging brunswick, listening to some sad song I'm sure, and waited for the tears to come. They didn't come. I was all dried up! I still felt like a giant piece of my life had been viciously ripped away from me, but I felt...content? The next morning was a little hard still, waking up to no "Good morning Beautiful!" text or "Kaitlen, your going to be late, wake up!" call...it kinda felt like I had no idea how to start my day. That is the only thing I remember of the next day. Life picked up quickly, and time started to fly. I was living on letters and miss that boy, every. single. day. 

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 October 6th, 2011: Last year, everybody said that "sooo much would change" in two years. I would brush them off, "yeah, yeah" them until my heart was sure nothing would mess up my perfectly, perfect relationship. He would come home, and it would be as if he never left. Everything would be the same. I guess that is why they say "one year older and wiser too!" It's only been one year, but I see now that everybody was absolutely correct. So much can happen in two years, and you know what, that's part of the fun. I'm convinced that Heavenly Father knew exactly what he was doing when he called 19-year-old boys to serve TWO YEAR missions and leave their silly girlfriends behind. It's weird, today was nothing like it was one year ago...but in some ways, it was exactly the same. Today instead of waking up in a hotel bed dreading the next 24 hours... I woke up in my own bed excited for the rest of the day---today was one whole year! Today instead of home driving all day, I woke up, went to a neighbors house and helped their disabled daughter get ready for school, came home, went to the gym, went back to the neighbors to get her off the bus, came back home to get ready for work, worked, went to Kenz's ribbon cutting, worked on my news article, etc. It was a busy day. Today instead of tears, I was full of laughs as I tried to feed Mckenzi and she bitterly refused her cheerios and wanted the yogurt, I don't blame her! I laughed as I tried to do pull ups at crossfit..seriously, nooo upper body strength..what was I thinking! I laughed when my dad called telling me somebody had sent me flowers and it took me all but 5 seconds to know exactly who they were from. I laughed at friends and family and my crazy boyfriend in Brazil who thinks he needs to send me flowers for one year! Some things however, I noticed, stayed exactly the same. It was cloudy/cold outside, just like it was 365 days ago. I just happened to be wearing the same perfume I was 365 days ago. My family and friends are just as supportive today as they were 365 days ago. And I still love that boy like crazy. 
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 People were 100 % correct. A lot can happen in two years, a lot has happened in ONE year. It's hard to think that much has changed while you are in the moment, but looking back, you truly realize how much has changed but at the same time, how much has stayed the same. These last 365 days I have cried harder, laughed harder, been stressed to my breaking point more times then I care to talk about, made a lot of good choices, and a few bad ones. I've grown closer to my friends and family and made new friends. I've made big decisions and everyday little ones. I finally died my hair brown (Haha) and I have started eating healthier and working out regularly. I've been a great journal keeper, and I've started to get better at daily scripture study and prayer. I'm slowwwly learning how to cook. I'm letting people in, people who 365 days ago, I was terrified to. I'm starting to realize who I am and what I want. I wont claim to have it all figured out, who I am, what I want, when I want it, and trying to align all of that with Heavenly Fathers plan for my life...cause let's be real, I still have no idea. BUT, I am figuring it out. Sometimes the hard way, most of the time the easier way. Some days are better than others, that's a given. But these last 365 days I feel like I have grown into a completely different person, and yet I feel like I'm the exact same. I know, I know, I'm full of contradictions today. But for real, I am so grateful that Heavenly Father knows exactly what he is doing by giving us two years... I need this last year to continue to grow into the person I want to be, and the person I know a certain very handsome missionary boy deserves!

"Knowing that I have less days left on the mission than I have on the mission is a different feeling. But i am proud to say that I do not have any regrets about the first year of my mission and I know that I worked my hardest and I did exactly what the Lord expected of me. And that is the best feeling that I could ask for. This last year has not been easy. I have had many trials and tribulations both in the field and at home. But all of these things have helped me grow as a person and will shape my character for the rest of my life."