You know how there is that saying that "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus?"
That is a complete lie.
Men are definitely from some sort of different, alternate--screwed up universe. And women are just from Earth. Where things are normal, and people act like normal people--not crazed lunatics like the men from Mars. Somebody reading this has got to have seen the movie "Mars Attacks"?? Well it's a movie completely unrelated tom this blog post where Aliens from Mars come down and light things on fire and send cows running through the street. I'll admit though...it's one of my favorites. But alas, I am wandering off my beaten path right now.
So, back to Earth and Mars. A topic that has been on my mind lately as I navigate my way through the dating world is how utterly and completely different guys and girls are. It seriously blows my mind. Now while it's all fun and games for the most part. You know, the whole figuring each other out hoop-la and what not... it's really rather ridiculous. Guys are insane. I'm just going to come out and say it.
In what alternate universe is it okay for you to say "Sure sweetheart, no problem I will return these redbox videos for you tonight when I leave your place" And then not return them for a month; only to admit to your faux-pah when I say something to you after I notice not one, but TWO $30 redbox charges on my card a month later? And when I DO bring your little stunt to your attention you reply with a "I'm sorry I totally forgot, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"----uh, yeah, give me $60 you fool. It's a good thing we had our "DTR" talk earlier in the week and decided NOT to be exclusive...because really, I can't be with somebody who can't return a dang redbox in a timely manner.
When we make plans it's not okay for you to make plans with somebody else without giving me any sort of heads up. So when I call you after work and say "Are we still getting together tonight?!" And you reply...."We can! I'm just over at my friend who is a girls house." and I am less than excited to meet her. And in fact would rather just go home and not see you at all... please do not be surprised. Please also do not be surprised when you text apologizing a few minutes later.... when I inform you that that was a jerky move and I am not impressed, and am in fact upset. I do however, appreciate your rapid response to my honesty--and no, I'm not talking about some lame text "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you." I'm talking about you physcially leaving said girls house, calling me on the phone, and informing me that you are on your way to come pick me up, that we did have plans...that you are infact stupid and sorry. You saved yourself there.... and it was cute, and it actually ended up to be a really great night. Sooo I guess you are forgiven.
Don't be late okay? Just don't. Ew, especially don't pull a "I'll be there at 8!" ....then at 7:45 text and say..."Hey babe...it's looking like it will be more like 9" ..... and then show up at 11. Thus not allowing us to watch the stupid redboxes I rented that YOU requseted that YOU didn't even take back. Idddiotttt.
It's OKAY to talk. I promise. Sometimes it's okay for you to let us know how you are feeling. You want to see us? Great! We probably want to see you to. But we are not going to pick up OR give in to your stupid little hints like... "What are you doing tonight? Nothing? Ohh.. me either" and then excpect us to pick up the ball from there. I will literally kick you. And you will sit at home all night doing "nothing" just like you said.
For the love of all that is good in this world we've gone out multiple times. It's really okay for us to go out ALONE now. We are not in high school anymore so when you call to ask me out, don't immediatly follow up with "Soo...uhhh.... do you have any cute friends for so and so?" No. I do not have any cute friends for so and so because if we are being honest here I work, and then I hang out with my best friend who is practically engaged....and then I go out with guys, then I sleep. And then I rinse and repeat. Sooo.. unless you want me to set "So-and-so" up with that hottie I went out with last week. No, I do not have any "Cute friends" and you can ask me out next time when you feel like either A) telling so-and-so to man up and find his own date, or B) manning up yourself and taking me out alone.
I like it when you show up at my work and surprise me. It's cute and I like that you were obviously thinking about me enough to drive across town at 10pm and wait until I got off work to see me. I don't like it when you tell me about that one time you thought about coming to visit me but then decided to go hang out with your friends instead. Fine, go hang out with your friends. That's great choose them over me by all means; But don't tell me that you chose them over me.
Your ex girlfriends family? Stop hanging out with them. I understand that you are close to them. But don't sit here and tell me how much you hate her, and them and how affected you are by the whole situation and then pal around with the family throughout the week. She's getting married--i'm sorry, really. But shiz happens and you need to move on.
Okay, okay. I know I sound like a total snob right now. And really, all of these guys who have done all of these crazy things are great. And i'm so glad i've gotten the chance to know them. But seriously, sometimes a girls just got to vent. These boys are martians. HOW is a girl from Earth....completely level headed and realistic...heheh ;) supposed to make it work with a martian? I'm tellin ya people... sometimes a girls just got to vent.
That is a complete lie.
Men are definitely from some sort of different, alternate--screwed up universe. And women are just from Earth. Where things are normal, and people act like normal people--not crazed lunatics like the men from Mars. Somebody reading this has got to have seen the movie "Mars Attacks"?? Well it's a movie completely unrelated tom this blog post where Aliens from Mars come down and light things on fire and send cows running through the street. I'll admit though...it's one of my favorites. But alas, I am wandering off my beaten path right now.
So, back to Earth and Mars. A topic that has been on my mind lately as I navigate my way through the dating world is how utterly and completely different guys and girls are. It seriously blows my mind. Now while it's all fun and games for the most part. You know, the whole figuring each other out hoop-la and what not... it's really rather ridiculous. Guys are insane. I'm just going to come out and say it.
In what alternate universe is it okay for you to say "Sure sweetheart, no problem I will return these redbox videos for you tonight when I leave your place" And then not return them for a month; only to admit to your faux-pah when I say something to you after I notice not one, but TWO $30 redbox charges on my card a month later? And when I DO bring your little stunt to your attention you reply with a "I'm sorry I totally forgot, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"----uh, yeah, give me $60 you fool. It's a good thing we had our "DTR" talk earlier in the week and decided NOT to be exclusive...because really, I can't be with somebody who can't return a dang redbox in a timely manner.
When we make plans it's not okay for you to make plans with somebody else without giving me any sort of heads up. So when I call you after work and say "Are we still getting together tonight?!" And you reply...."We can! I'm just over at my friend who is a girls house." and I am less than excited to meet her. And in fact would rather just go home and not see you at all... please do not be surprised. Please also do not be surprised when you text apologizing a few minutes later.... when I inform you that that was a jerky move and I am not impressed, and am in fact upset. I do however, appreciate your rapid response to my honesty--and no, I'm not talking about some lame text "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you." I'm talking about you physcially leaving said girls house, calling me on the phone, and informing me that you are on your way to come pick me up, that we did have plans...that you are infact stupid and sorry. You saved yourself there.... and it was cute, and it actually ended up to be a really great night. Sooo I guess you are forgiven.
Don't be late okay? Just don't. Ew, especially don't pull a "I'll be there at 8!" ....then at 7:45 text and say..."Hey babe...it's looking like it will be more like 9" ..... and then show up at 11. Thus not allowing us to watch the stupid redboxes I rented that YOU requseted that YOU didn't even take back. Idddiotttt.
It's OKAY to talk. I promise. Sometimes it's okay for you to let us know how you are feeling. You want to see us? Great! We probably want to see you to. But we are not going to pick up OR give in to your stupid little hints like... "What are you doing tonight? Nothing? Ohh.. me either" and then excpect us to pick up the ball from there. I will literally kick you. And you will sit at home all night doing "nothing" just like you said.
For the love of all that is good in this world we've gone out multiple times. It's really okay for us to go out ALONE now. We are not in high school anymore so when you call to ask me out, don't immediatly follow up with "Soo...uhhh.... do you have any cute friends for so and so?" No. I do not have any cute friends for so and so because if we are being honest here I work, and then I hang out with my best friend who is practically engaged....and then I go out with guys, then I sleep. And then I rinse and repeat. Sooo.. unless you want me to set "So-and-so" up with that hottie I went out with last week. No, I do not have any "Cute friends" and you can ask me out next time when you feel like either A) telling so-and-so to man up and find his own date, or B) manning up yourself and taking me out alone.
I like it when you show up at my work and surprise me. It's cute and I like that you were obviously thinking about me enough to drive across town at 10pm and wait until I got off work to see me. I don't like it when you tell me about that one time you thought about coming to visit me but then decided to go hang out with your friends instead. Fine, go hang out with your friends. That's great choose them over me by all means; But don't tell me that you chose them over me.
Your ex girlfriends family? Stop hanging out with them. I understand that you are close to them. But don't sit here and tell me how much you hate her, and them and how affected you are by the whole situation and then pal around with the family throughout the week. She's getting married--i'm sorry, really. But shiz happens and you need to move on.
Okay, okay. I know I sound like a total snob right now. And really, all of these guys who have done all of these crazy things are great. And i'm so glad i've gotten the chance to know them. But seriously, sometimes a girls just got to vent. These boys are martians. HOW is a girl from Earth....completely level headed and realistic...heheh ;) supposed to make it work with a martian? I'm tellin ya people... sometimes a girls just got to vent.
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