Hey guess what? I'M WAITING.

Warning: 

This is very much a word vomit/thought vomit post.

guaranteed to be cheesy and dramatic. 

Don't say I didn't warn you. 

For the longest time whenever somebody asked me if I was "waiting" for the missionary, I would cringe, squirm and give some drawn out answer about how i'm not "waiting" rather "waiting dating" or something of the sort. Well folks, this is me finally owning up to it. Almost one year later. I'm waiting for a missionary. 

I was 100% that girl. The girl that would never send off a missionary and who would cut all ties immediately after he left. I was not going to do it. I was not. I was not. I was not! Guess what? I totally did. I dated a boy for a lot of years prior to the mission, all the while knowing a mission was looming in the future. That was never a question he would be going on a mission. Turns out it's not that easy to cut ties with somebody you truly care about. It's really hard actually. 

I would be lying if I said I haven't tried. I have tried to detach myself from the kid Sooo much harder than it sounds. It would be so much easier to date somebody here. To have somebody here that could be with me every day. Who I could talk to at my leisure, help me when my car breaks down, show off to my family, be my date to various events, and always be my Friday night date. Yes, it would be so much easier. Maybe every time I saw a fake mustache, or every time I heard a Death Cab song, or everytime I smelt Lacoste or Burberry cologne, saw a silver Malibu, or napped on Sunday I didn't think about the kid, maybe this would be doable. But it's really not. It's been almost 365 days and I still find myself laughing at our jokes, or getting giddy when I think about him. That's not to say that I haven't forgotten what it is like to be with him. Because I have. I have forgotten parts. That part, sucks. 

Waiting for a missionary is a stinkin mind trip, I will tell you that right now. It's not always fun. You have this crazy attachment to your missionary, for so many reasons...but you still find that boy in your Chem class incredibly charming and cute. You can't picture your life without missionary in it, but you can picture many...many Friday nights with Chemistry boy. Your trying to plan your life accordingly, but regardless...you still secretly are planning according to missionaries release date. One day you are overwhelmed with how lucky you are to have missionary. The next you forget what it is even like to be near him. One day your family is incredibly supportive of the wait. The next, they are introducing you to every single RM they know. You take your dog for a walk, the one missionary got you, with another boy. It feels strange, after all, it's your dog. but it is still a lot of fun. Are you catching my drift here? Two years of this is seriously exhausting. 

I'm a freak, I know it. I am 19 years old. I can't make up my mind...ever. I have a million different options in front of me. All so exciting, all extremely terrifying. I am human and I make mistakes, I try to learn from them, but sometimes I get discouraged. I'm waiting to see what happens with a boy I was blissfully happy with for two years. I'm waiting to see where life takes me this week. It's always a different story. I'm waiting to go on an incredible adventure in the next four months. I'm waiting for forgiveness. I'm waiting for night time so I can sleep.I'm waiting for my student loan to go through. I'm waiting to hear back from editors. I'm waiting for my fun trips that are planned. There are a lot of things we wait for, we wait for things every day. I may be a little crazy, a little dramatic, a little indecisive, a little sad and overwhelmed some days, a lot happy and excited most days, a lot excited for the future, and a lot busy and spread thin. But right now I wouldn't change anything for the world. 

We wait for things every day. Who says we can't wait for two years? Is it so crazy to believe that something that worked  so, so well before, won't work again? 

So here it is peeps. I'm waiting for a missionary. And you know what, these times... though often unsure, scary, crazy, busy, hard, and overwhelming... are some of the best times in my life.