Remember how last time I blogged--I blogged about going to China? Remember how shortly after that I decided not to go? Remember how shortly after that I decided to move up to Salt lake? Remembbber how just two days after coming home from Salt Lake apartment searching, I was offered a scholarship to Dixie State? Oh yeah, me too.
MY MIND IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO BE RIGHT NOW.
Now, this post is not going to tell you all the ins-and outs of my decisions to not go to China, to move up to Salt Lake, and now to possibly stay here. Because the truth is that I couldn't even tell you. One thing feels wrong, and the other feels right. Then once you think you've got it all figured out. Life changes again--and really fast. And you are forced to make a decision, and sometimes it's really hard. And sometimes you just want the heavens to open up and somebody to step out from the clouds and tell you exactly what you are supposed to be doing. But after realizing that that, is most definitely not going to happen. You end up on your knees, or asking your dad for a blessing. And then you just kind of realize; whatever you choose, you have to choose for yourself. Nobody else, and that whatever you choose, if you are honestly seeking to make the right choice--will be the right one for you.
It's taken a lot of time, and I am definitely still not there yet. But I think I'm slowly learning for myself that Heavenly Father has a much bigger plan in store for our lives than we do. It's so hard though ya know? Aligning our plans with his. Sometimes it feels like a bit of a tug-of-war but then I realize life would be a little bit easier if I just loosen the grip and let him direct me. And why not choose easy, ya know?
It's taken a lot of time, and I am definitely still not there yet. But I think I'm slowly learning for myself that Heavenly Father has a much bigger plan in store for our lives than we do. It's so hard though ya know? Aligning our plans with his. Sometimes it feels like a bit of a tug-of-war but then I realize life would be a little bit easier if I just loosen the grip and let him direct me. And why not choose easy, ya know?
dude I know exactly how you feel. I went through this same internal battle when I got home from my mission and it wasn't until a few months ago that I finally figured it out and what the Lord was trying to show me. I'm not saying that life has gotten any less crazy since realizing this, but my brain feels a lot less crazy and it's easier than it used to be. Good luck and trust Him to lead you no matter how scary it may seem. Love and miss you girly :)
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