Ouchie.

So I am really good at talking about things that make me angry. Or things I find ridiculous. I'm really good at laughing about dumb things, making light of a situation, and talking about happy things. I'm really good at that. However, I am not really good at talking about things that hurt.And I'm not talking about the hurt you get when one of your little toes reaches out and grabs the nearest chair practically  ripping it off your footsie. Nor am I talking about the hurt that comes from finding out that killer pair of shoes you just bought full price, are now on sale, only a week later. Not that kind of hurt. This kind of hurt starts in the head, then it makes its way to your tummy... from your tummy it shoots up to your heart. And it stays there for awhile, until you decide to eventually let it go.

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That is basically how I feel today. Makes perfect sense right? Well remember Brad? The said date last week went off without a hitch. Seriously, it was great and there was definately some chemistry. Brad went on vacation after that for the rest of the week, and I got to work. Soo we texted on and off, always light and flirty.. always fun. Well remember said girlfriend of Brads? Today I find out via her blog that she is moving back much sooner than planned. and that their relationship is "Better than ever!"  Greatttt. 


Now peeps... I had one date with the kid. So it's not like I had pegged my hopes and dreams on him just yet... Kidddding. We already know who those are pegged upon. But seriously, it just got me thinking, which is never good. Cam always says that I think too much.

I was definately a "Filler Girl" what is a filler girl you ask? Well, since no guy I am spending time with lately knows about this blog. Let me introduce you to the "Filler-boy" My sister Taylor once said in reference to Cam being gone and me dating "Don't you just feel like all the guys are just filler guys" Absolutely. I have gone into almost every date with the mindset of the "filler-boy" because after all, Cam is coming back... eventually!  I compared like crazy every guy I dated to Cam, and you know what. They never came close. Most of the time. Compare, Compare, Compare... I got a lot of free dinners, fun nights, and "good experiences" but was I really giving them the chance that they deserve?

So today, as I was breathing fire and stomping around the city eating innocent household pets for being the "filler girl" if only for a week I realized I was a total hypocrite. And I realized that feeling like the "filler" and knowing that you are being compared to somebody that he/she dated for 3+ years is totally unfair, and sucky... and a real self-esteem crusher. And it kind of hurts. 

July Goal: Eliminate "fillers" and give every person that wants a chance, a fair one.

Okay, thanks for listening to that rant. Because that's what it was, a rant. I read through it probably 15 times and am still not sure it makes sense.